when love hurts

It doesn't seem possible, but it was four years ago when we met. He was so incredibly irritating. I was a four grader, he was a five grader, which, made me superior in the middle school food chain. He was this nerdy kid who played the clarinet, he wore glasses and his hair was a messy mop on top of his head. He liked silly things like talking about ninjas and other such nonsensical issues at lunch time. He would bug me during band, chasing me and such, like kids did in elementary school, but I felt I was above such juvenile activities. Nevertheless time passed and middle school gave way to high school and as a sophmore, I discovered that he was back again.
Over the previous year, Danny had gone from nerdy mid schooler to only slightly less nerdy high schooler. He still wore glasses but they were more sophisticated, his hair was still messy, but it was messy in a 'cool' just ran my hands through it sorta way. He was tall and had lost some of that baby fat that had still been hanging around. We were once again in band together and wound up in a class together as well.
Band competitions were a big deal for the band nerds. We marched and played until we dropped. Our director was a strict man and he would assign pushups for any reason you could give him. Sophmore year, we were performing Carmen, our hadn't made finals in years at state competition. It was cold and we were watching the other bands performing. I was shivering and Danny came up behind me and asked me if I wanted to share his blanket. I said thanks, so he sat behind me and let me use it and I leaned against him watching the bands. Somehow, without knowing it, I had crossed some invisible barrier between not letting him near me and liking him. As we watched, he held my hand and was very sweet. I was nervous, I hadn't ever had a boyfriend before and I was having some personal issues with my father that caused me to question things in my life, especially boys. He asked me to be his girlfriend that night.

I flat refused. I know, that was harsh, it was mean and I didn't mean it to be but I told him no. A week later at school, after we had sat together at lunch and walked to class together and ended up being assigned as lab partners, he asked me again.

I refused again. I was so scared of what that meant. I was naive to the world of relationships and with my home life being a mess, my self-esteem was beyond repair.

We started talking on the phone and another week went by before I told him, "Okay, let's go out." That was the beginning of what became a three year on again off again, between me and Danny.